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an obsession fit for a jen

the tattoo that most peaked my interest was a tiny sleeping cat curled up on the back of a girl's shoulder. the tattoo was no larger than 3 inches (on the high side) but the it was the well defined detail and sharpness on such a minuscule piece that got me. the girl's name was tiffany. she was 24 at the time which to me at 17 seemed so mature. (it is not.) i stared at her tattoo constantly. she was unconventionally gorgeous, had a laugh that gave me chills and looked like no one i'd ever seen or will ever see again. she had the sexiest shoulders and the perfect minute snoozing kitty cat made them that much sexier. i think from time to time, i wanted to lick the back of her shoulder. but only the one with the tattoo. it was so precise i could almost taste it.

we both worked at logan's roadhouse as servers. when she started, she was about to be married to what i would now define as an "ed hardy kinda guy". she ended up breaking it off for a redheaded nerdy guy named jesse that also worked with us. he was cool.

one time, jesse and i were standing out back, getting high (as servers often do) and he told me (laughingly)that when he fucked tiffany from behind, he focused on the "pussy on her shoulder".  for some reason after that, i did not like him anymore. not because he was boning tiffany or because he made a pussy joke, but because i know for a fact he did not share the same appreciation as that diminutive inky feline as i did. it was so flawless. i took it so seriously. he did not and i found that to be a problem. i didn't talk to jesse much after a fore mentioned conversation. even tiffany's presence after that kinda irked me.

i wonder if the cat was even as perfect as it seemed. i wonder that about alot of things. it was not the first small, seemingly insignificant thing i obsessed over. and it was defiantly not the last.

oh no.

is it possible to be an orphan at 26...when your parents are still living?

and then there was this

moving out of houston. cirque de solei front row. perfect company. never ending opportunity to better self. is this a dream? you are the most amazingly captivating person i have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

turn on tune in freak out

"i have the right to break someone's heart if i am not happy"

thank you, alan.

what part...

of ANY of these statements would someone not FUCKING UNDERSTAND (?):

i was not happy.
i was sick of being ignored.
i am only human.
everyone who is not involved needs to BUTT THE FUCK OUT.
i do not need anyone's advice.
do not fucking judge me.

if you don't like me or i make you sick- there's the door and i will gladly provide my boot to your ass on the way out.

condensed version

duckie and i still splitting up but are getting along great as friends. going to buy a scion xb today. 3 weeks left @ UTI. my old boss hooked me up with a killer job at williams kherkher, it is not a body shop but it pays the bills and then some. i am part time for now, but go full time after i graduate. i am most likely moving to kemah august 1st. i am sick of this shithole city. kemah is close to water, close to work and most important, it is NOT houston.

there you have it.
well. i decided i might as well get it out. duckie and i are separating and a divorce is most likely when i get out of school. the blame is 50/50. it is both of us. and there isn't just one issue that it can be narrowed down to.

my heart hurts. i miss my best friend but he simply isn't there anymore. :(
it's finally happened. i think i have full on lost the ability to write and nothing is going to bring it back this time.

why do thoughts like to come flooding back at the most random times? or maybe it was a song or a phrase or a carelessly discarded mcmuffin wrapper that brings them back. or maybe one thought just drifts to another and another and so on and so fourth.

a few years ago, i hurt someone in a way i thought i was incapable of doing. i could say it was an odd stage in my life but them again i have come to realize that until i die, all stages in my life will be odd.

i'm sure said person got over it but it never stopped plaguing my mind. but it's been done for quite sometime and nothing can ever undo it.

i'm not to sure what the point of all this is. thinking about it, i probably did them a favor and spared them from the abomination that is jen wagner.

wish i could apologize but words are meaningless.

holy hell. nothing feels right. ever.
i have completed my first week at UTI. i love it there. i think i will stay. :)

you get one

sitting in front of a computer for a prolonged period of time is not my thing. so, here is a wedding picture.


i don't think it's a pressing issue in anyone's life to see pictures of my wedding-and no way in hell i'm sitting here and uploading them all.

the look on duckie's face says "srs bzns" but a good time was had by all :)

and the honeymoon was awesome. i love fredricksburg. there is discussion of us moving to the hill country, but that will be a few years :(